Poop, Love, and M&Ms

I know a few people who use M&Ms as a reward for potty training. They sometimes even keep the jar right there on the back of the toilet. The kid does his business, he gets an M&M.

I don’t have any strong opinions about whether or not this is a good idea. It might be a good temporary way to establish a new and important habit. Or it might create some inappropriate connection in the child’s mind between poop and M&Ms. This post isn't about whether M&Ms is a good idea for potty training or not. It's about Love.

It’s going to be Valentine’s Day soon. The day of love. And I have a very unique view of love. I think falling in love has a lot in common with the M&Ms of potty training.

Falling in Love, that special cloud nine feeling that comes to you when you are around a certain special person long enough, is what I consider the M&M of a committed relationship. Honestly, how many are mature enough to jump into a committed relationship if they aren’t in love? I have a feeling it is not a big percentage of those in their reproductive prime. Young healthy Americans do not usually shackle themselves to each other and try to build a domestic haven when the feeling isn’t there, when the world could be at their fingertips. Even if they agree with the principal of domesticity, it's still hard to pick a partner who also picks you, and then take the plunge.

It’s a habit establisher, that sneaky ‘falling in love.’ It does its darndest to get you in that domestic groove. Just like those parents who give you an M&M every time you go. And then you wake up, years later, and realize you’ve built your life around using the toilet, and more importantly, you've built all that good behavior on the foundation of getting those M&Ms. What if you went potty one time, and your Mom said, we're not handing out M&Ms every single time anymore. You're a big kid now and should go to the potty just because it's the right thing to do.

Here’s where the rubber really meets the road.

Was it just for the M&M? When Mom takes the jar away, do you start going in your pants again? Do you bail on potty training altogether?

Or do you believe in the potty? Agree with and maybe even like the whole poop and flush system? Are you willing to keep up with it for its own sake when the instant gratification of chocolate abandons you? When the going gets tough, will the tough still use the potty?

Okay, so there are a few flaws with my analogy. First, ‘falling in love’ is more like an advance bag of M&Ms, upfront, no good behavior required. Some people actually regress to diapers time after time just so they can get the big bag of 'let's try again' M&Ms upfront.

The other flaw is if you stick with it, those feelings come and go and come again. Sometimes you get the M&M, sometimes you don't. That lovely chocolate can catch you by surprise when you least expect it, when you've been flushing and washing, just doing what you know needs to be done, no candy required. In my book, those surprise M&Ms are the most delicious, because they're like an unexpected bonus for what you were going to do anyway, not the much needed reward you can't live without.

People think Love is about M&Ms. It isn’t. It’s about growing up and learning to use the toilet. M&Ms come automatically at the beginning to get you hooked, and then intermittently as you get it right from there on out. And I gotta tell you, the best M&Ms are the later ones. They might not come every time, but they arrive with bells and whistles like a peanut butter centers or almonds. Mmmm.

As long as you know it’s really all about the toilet, you can stop worrying about whether or not you’re getting every single M&M owed to you, and get on with doing what's important. And by that, I mean using the toilet.

Scott M. Peck said Love is not a feeling, it is rather extending yourself for the sake of spiritual growth. That means you can 'love' even when you don't feel it, and it still counts. Just go potty to go potty, whether or not the M&M is there. Do it long enough, and the M&Ms come back. I think that's just how it works. Genuine service eventually begats loving feelings.

I guess what I'm saying is just focus on potty training, that's the real goal. Enjoy the M&Ms as they come, but don't make them the make or break of your toilet use. You're a big kid now. You can do it!

P.S. I love my sweetheart. I'm enjoying handfuls and handfuls of gourmet chocolates in my life with him. They get sweeter every year.