Another story bit

“Phoenix.” A man’s voice broke into my thoughts. I was so submerged in my trance that didn’t respond right away. I started the slow ascent back to conscious awareness, speeding up my breathing, counting backwards from twenty, pulling away slowly from the focus on my mind.

“Hegel told me I could find you here,” he said, and I was close enough to the surface of consciousness this time that felt the familiarity in his voice.

I opened my eyes slowly and saw the robe of a monk. I looked up to his face and recognized him at once.

“Eli.” I was still remarkably centered and calm from my meditative state. If I had realized Eli’s blue eyes and bearded face were looking down at me at any other time, I might have jumped with instant adrenaline and either run away or attacked him. “And I thought Hegel was my friend.”

“He is,” Eli said, and held out his hand to help me up.

I ignored it and climbed awkwardly to my feet without his help, brushing the bits of grass and dirt from my unbleached muslin sheath. I kept my eyes on him as I did so.

“It’s been almost two months. I was sort of hoping you had left permanently.” I ignored the urge to press my back to the tree trunk behind me, to give me support and more distance between the two of us. But I held my position to keep from seeming weak.

“I had business to take care of. That, and I had to figure out how to help you.”

I laughed then. It was a tense, shrill laugh. “Like you helped me after the reading in June? I think I can manage without your help.”

“You still don’t know what that was about. Don’t you want to know?”

“Not really.” I decided I did not like being alone with him in the orchard. I turned and walked toward the rows of berry trellises.

His footsteps started up behind me.

“I came very close that day to following Hegel’s orders to kill you.”

I turned on my heel and clenched my fists at my sides. “Don’t you dare drag him into your dark little game, Eli. I don't know what you're about, but Hegel has nothing to do with it. He and the others have been very good to me here, very patient, very understanding.”

He smiled wryly. “That was after I told them you were not a threat.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Phoenix." He paused and look directly into my eyes. "The lake of clarity clarifies."

The mention of the lake gave me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, but I didn't let on that his words had any affect on me.

"So?"

"It's their lake. Don't you think they know? Just what do you think they assume about people who come out unclarified?"

I didn't have the answer to that. Didn't they assume what I had, that some people were weak and needed more time? More time to struggle through what should be simple. More time to flounder pathetically before they finally gave up and returned home in shame.

He started moving slowly toward me.

"Phoenix, If the lake doesn't have the proper effect on you, it's usually because you have deliberately twisted your fate."

No. I had not done the unspeakable. I would never have done that to my people.

I had heard tales of it. I had seen the dark corners and back alleys of the market, where the black merchants might be, with kadish leaves hidden in packets discreetly beneath their cloaks. When Nadine the Great Judge disappeared suddenly from her life, there were whispers. I was only a little girl, but I heard what adults said quietly to each other because they didn't figure me to listen carefully, or for me to think too much of what they were saying. She had seemed so natural. Who would have guessed it was all contrived? There was a sense of imbalance about her, now to think of it. She must have had her kadish tea early to achieve such heights.

I could never figure why anyone would want to twist their fate. To cheat our people out of their precious natural gift and manipulate the natural order of things with a mask. Hunger for power? Prestige? Vengence? Hatred? Greed?

No. I wouldn't do that. No.

"No." I said it softly. So softly I don't think any sound came out. So softly that he couldn't possibly hear me with the distance of several yards between us.

"Yes, Phoenix. Oh, yes. When you break loose from the fabric of your people, your purpose, and your destiny, it makes you a chaotic element in an otherwise structured existence, and the lake can't clarify you. You have turned away, twisted your destiny into something dark, and taken another path."

I was frozen in place. I could barely breathe. I heard the birds singing overhead, the soft whistle of the breeze as it rustled the leaves in the apple trees. I couldn’t take my eyes from his face.